UK, July 2015

July 14/15, 2015 – Tuesday/Wednesday

Ah travel day – the day we loose a day. Woke up at 7am so Fiona could wash all the sheets. We are off on our UK adventure today the 14th. I have two eggo waffles and 3/4 of some OJ. We pack. I go over our travel list. We pack some more. We remember things that we need, and pack them. You get the idea. I have left over chili for lunch. Everything is packed by now. I fill the pool with water. Alan comes over at 1pm to pick us up to take him back to his house where Darcy will pick us up. I read about the Tesla Model X. Fiona is not sure about the falcon doors. Whatever. Darcy shows up at 2. We all pile in, and I’m in the third row with the kids.

We arrive at 3, check our bags (4, 2 orange and 2 stewardess bags). Niamh and Lawson are going nuts at the moving walkways and escalators. We go thru security no problem, we pass A3 and walk to the end to sit at a table and watch the planes. I have my first beer of the trip; an anchor stream beer. We end up at the gate 20 minutes before, and I spy that they are loading a British racing green1964ish Austin Healy into the belly of the plane – that is expensive. We board the plane at 4:05, and get to go into the small kiddie line. We find our seats in row 41 & 42 over the wings. I’m by myself in 42C with no one in the middle seat. I watch 5 movies (Chappie, Ex Machina, Get Hard, Fury, Focus) and we arrive. If I had to rank favorite to not it would be Fury, Chappie, Focus, Get Hard, Ex Machina, however Get Hard was pretty funny. With a movie like Get Hard you know there is a penis, and his name is Will Farrell – haahaa.

I forget the canvas bag in the upper thing, and have to go back. We stop by potties, and final make it to customs. Lawson is a pill the entire time, and Niamh is a little better, but again enjoy the moving walkways and escalators. We go thru the UK line with a person checking passports. No problems. Alan and Rowena have collected our bags, and I run to get the pink one. We find our driver, and he leads us to a nice Mercedes and 1 hour later we arrive at Joy and David’s new house.

It is a great house with a big backyard and a new kitchen. They have a 90 pound German Shepard named Hansel who is 18 months old, in this 2 year old house. I’ve had 2 great beers – black sheep ale and cocker hoop. Ate some lemon drizzle cake, but there is some chicken appearing later. Super tired and this dog has lots of playful energy 😉

July 16, 2015 – Thursday

Went to bed at 8pm, and slept until 8am with the occasional little person coming into our room in confusion. I took a shower last night with a setting of very hot and very, very hot. Oh well. Had some buttered toast and marmelade as you do in England. Then the old people and Fiona went to the shops, and I went to the park with the kids. A zip line who knew. We took the stomp rocket and that was a hoot too, as it took 2 hours to get back to the house. Lunch at around 1:30 with ham, cheese, and a Fortyniner beer by Ringwood brewery which was not too shabby. The German Shepard, Hansel, is driving the kids nuts they want to play but this a big dog! The dog wants to play all the time which is annoying when all you want to do it pet it. The dog loves feet, and has stolen some socks, shoes, and given them a nibble. Otherwise it nicks the blanket off the couch or a stuffed animal or two. Ah puppies. Oh, well. Then the kids watered the plants which entailed getting int their swimsuits and me supervising watering around the edges. Niamh thought it was good fun to water herself in the face, and Lawson really didn’t want to get wet, but did anyway. Dinner came in the form of some type of pudding and sausage and with it another two tasty beers. The Lawson slept through dinner, and Niamh took a cat nap around 5 Just before dinner. Since Lawson slept for 4ish hours he really didn’t want to go to sleep at 10pm. So he and Niamh talked and scuffled around for 2 hours until I moved Lawson in with Fiona and I slept on his bed. Fiona is off to her girls pre-wedding party tomorrow morning and we are off to see a train?

July 17, 2015 – Friday

Woke up at 8:30am, and had more toast. Fiona is off and will not be back until Sunday. Guess what the kids want to do? Yup, go to the park and play on that zip line! So I’m now back at the park watching the kids go down the zip line and flipping between data roaming and not roaming in a foreign country so I will not be charged an arm + leg.

Returned from the park because Lawson had to poop, otherwise I’m sure they would have been another hour. Joy was cooking up the sausages to have for lunch that Fiona bought the day before. I of course ate one since it was noon, and Joy said she was waiting for Alan and Rowena to return. Doh! Stupid rude American. Oh well. We had bets on when that would be since the talker liked to talk – you have two choices and would be right on both accounts. Anywho the old people showed up around one, and we had cheese, ham, bread, and of course sausages. Then a big decision was to see trains or go to a farm? We played stomp rocket in the backyard while the old people figured it out. I had a hobgoblin beer and a decision was made; to the farm! Off to the Staunton Country Park! I downed my beer and asked the kids if they had been to the WC and they said yes, and a switch or two back and forth between cars and a minor melt down over a black bubble butt booster we were off.

Damn the Lawson fell asleep. We arrived and a nice person gave us his parking slip, and we wandered around until we found the entrance.  Then the photo competition between Alan and myself started. So I took a bunch of pictures of animals, kids, and bees. The local bees are very different than the bees at home. There are these black bees that are about twice the size of a honey bee, but it is not a bumble bee. Some the the farm animals we saw include alpacas, lamas, sheep, goats, a pony, a donkey, chickens, a duck, pigs, piglets and a barn owl; that is all I can remember. The garden was amazing, with a giant green house with two levels of humid. There was the first level where is was humid and steamy, and then a second level where it fogged up my glasses a good 15 minutes before they cleared. There were no butterflies in the butterfly wing which was sad.

Then Lawson had the pee so we went to the kiddie play barn and corral which was pretty amazing. At the barn, it has sliding tubes, and slides all indoors for 4 and unders, and outside the corral had 4 various sized play structures that scaled up to I’m pretty sure an adult could have played in the last structure. Picked up some lemonade (i.e. sprite) for the kids and I had a Fentiman’s Ginger Beer from the cafe. They didn’t have any ice as I wanted an ice coffee, but it turns out the cappuccino that the old people got was tasteless water with chocolate sprinkles so am glad I opted by default for a bottle. The park was closing around 5 so we rushed to the maze and walked through it which was nice, and back to the car park.

My plan was to keep the kids awake with small sips of sprite on the way home. The night before Lawson fell asleep during dinner and was rowdy until midnight so I’m trying to prevent this again, eh as I’m by myself with old people. David managed to find a back way home by some weird sense of direction, but about 5 miles from the house Lawson didn’t want any more sips and dozed and Niamh finished it and promptly dozed off too. So close.

Back by 6 and what to do to keep the kids awake? Stomp rocket of course! So I set it up and set it to distance instead of height. Niamh launched a rocket over the fence. I got it but the cranky kids went at it, and break downs followed, but they got thru it without to much drama before dinner.

Dinner was ham, freshly picked kale, some spicey cabbage thing that tasted like apples to me, and some potatoes. Tired kids don’t eat and this was no exception. Pleading ensued with multiple suggestions to eat ham, and they both did after a bit of food negotiations. Niamh ended up with buttered bread and parmasian cheese, and Lawson a piece of bread. They both got some ice cream. I had apple crumble and ice cream which went well with my second Guinness of the night. Need to convince David to go out and get some more local brew for me while I’m here 😉

So you know when dogs runaround like bats out of hell when they are all excited for no reason? Hansel did that and freaked the little Lawson out. Need to tell him to use his knees to get the beast of a dog to mind him. Another effort for tomorrow. However, the good news is the kids actually had a bath and went to bed around 9.

I then had to stop a check which was interesting from vonage over a wireless network from the country sticks. I could hear the guy fine, but he could not hear me- a pretty good experiment but probably not going to try it again. Then got a email from a recruiter so at 10:30 was putting job info and taking a word choice test that described my personality. Not sure I want Fiona to take that test for me 😉 Then the designer came back with plans for the house project which still hopeless since the stairs still eat into the kitchen, and hopefully can be updated but am not very optimistic. In bed by 12.

July 18, 2015 – Saturday

Crap I forgot the kids watering cans. I forget they are thirsty little hot monkeys at night, and meant to bring them back up when tucked in. Lawson reminded me at 3am-ish that I forgot. Hansel greeted me when I tried to remember what I did with them – ah still in the backpack. Luckily there was still some water in them so I didn’t have to run to the kitchen. However my restful sleep never returned and got up at 5am after fitfully watching the sun rise through the curtains. The rumour is we are off to see Michael today. Wonder what Fiona would say? Probably something awesome, but the again I’m sure there is no way I’ll be grumpy today with 3 hours of sleep – I’ll be a peach. There are cows mooing at night here and at 5 are being motivated by a grumpy milker is my guess. We really are surrounded by quite a few farms. Guess I need to bust out some country music, but there are not many trucks that I’ve seen; by trucks i mean F-150’s not range rovers. Oh well. Oh I figured out that sausage batter thing we had a few nights ago it is called, ‘a toad in the hole’. Not to shabby.

The kids slept until 8:00; Lawson had to be woken up at 8:45 by his loving sister. More toast, butter, and marmalade. Guess what the kids wanted to do? If you guessed eating pineapple the you would be wrong. Going to the park and down a zip line – winner, winner chicken dinner. Some old people went to the bakery, and Alan attend the kids and I to the park. Damn I forgot the stomp rockets, so went back with Lawson at the half way point to get them. We zipped for 30 minutes, stomped for 30 minutes (distance today not height), and playground stuff (slides, balance) for 20 minutes until the kids gave up and asked to go home. I told Alan the only way to really get them home was if someone needed to poop or hungry. Who would have thought tha they would have asked to go back. Saw a red fire truck sitting in its little garage and came back to mulching.

Quiche, half a sausage, pretzel snacks, and buttered bread was lunch for today. The kids mostly had bread and a few grapes. Lawson ponly grass playa date we finished lunch and now the kids want to play upstairs. Looks like I can skip the awkward meeting with Michael but guess Alan and Rowena still want to go. The kids are up stairs playing wiith a plastic kitchen, oh wait here they come and the dog is in the way. Oh good grief the had to ring back.. Now the kids are watching cartoons on Disney channel. So much for doing Englishi things in the UK. Oh well.

TO THE BEACH! Well that is what we did and it is pretty exciting. We went to a beach with rocks on it 😉 that was near the Hill Head Sailing Club. Whay 4 year old doesn’t love a beach full of rocks? So Lawson was quite happy chucking rocks into the ocean for and hour while his sister collected various pounds of seashells that we brought home. When we first arrived we had our ice cream fix – chocolate mint for the kids nada 99 cents flake for the adults. Once that was done  the rock chucking sea shell collecting ,ensued for the hour until the clouds rolled in. We sang songs on the way back like Itsy bit spider, bingo, wheels on the bus, and 10 green bottles on the wall.

The kids are watching a cartoons again and I’m falling asleep. Good times.

Dinner is ham and Alan’s curry potatoes. Not very curryful, but oh well.  I have an ‘original’ alcoholic ginger beer by Crabbie’s, and have a massive plates of apple crumble topped with vanilla ice cream. Yum. The kids have PJ’s on by 7:30, and are in bed by 8:15. Success. Talk about religion, politics over lemon cello with the old people. Since I only got about 3ish hours of sleep the night before I’m off by 10.

July 19, 2015 – Sunday

Woke up at 8:30am. Apparently it rained. Kids are up. Dog has scared. Toast, butter, marmalade yes please. Thank you. The bloody park again. Really? Ok we can go shopping or look at cars? No? Ok? Park it is. No stomp rocket, and they promise to go on an adventure with me after the park. Zip lining, sliding, y to eat small children. balance acts enensue. I capture with my DLSR in sport mode; Alan doesn’t have a chance. Kids bored, pictures done on all apparatus – let the adventure begin. What direction? I dunno, ask kids they point – we head that direction. See church on map that is usually interesting. 5 minutes and e are tomb stones and dead people. No, no zombies here on a nice day like today. Niamh wanted me to read the names on the stones and how old people are and why they died. People usually die when they are Lodi explain. She doesn’t want me to die and I agree with her as it would be great to 60 without pulling out to much hair and nashing to teeth. Chuckle. We go down a path the kids like is is scary behind the church with all the buzzing flies. Why so many flies? Must be all the berries and other vine things? That does not convince them and it is a ‘dark forest’, more like heavily shaded, but whatever guess it will not be a scary adventure so we turn around as I do not want whiny adventure either.

We turn around and enter the church to take a peek. Ancient people are practicing talking out loud this and that scripture as we quietly sneak to the side door. Tada! Shhhh, Lawson we are still by the door you ninny. We walk by graves and markers; the small ones must be for babies. No I explain it is whatever someone can afford, but this concept of money is beyond them. Oh well. Change topic. Want to try and find the bakery ? Sure we want a brownie like in Carmel when we go to town. Hum. Sunday in England + small village + country, good luck. I convince them this is not a tourist town where things are open all the time, but we will try. We walk down the street – lots of motorcycles, it really is a nice day 😉 get to end of town, and turn around. Kids are getting tired. The inn is closed. Dumb Sunday and things are closed and it does not help is around 10:30. Hey look a phone booth – nice proper red one. What kid does not like a phone booth. Picture taking ensues. Niamh presses zero on keypad fun is over as I said no pressing the keys. Oh well. Tired and hungry guess the adventure is over.

Fiona texts her mother. Good I’ve be out of range. Mother-in-law gives me updates on Fiona’s every move and thought process. Good. I have water. Good. Kids watching nickelodeon with sponge bob and all the zany characters. We have eaten Joy and Da I’d out of house and home. To the shop the old people go. Kids hungry want snack – to bad wait 15 minutes for old people to return. Hooray old people with food – kids forget hungry as spongebob has returned. Mother-in-law wants status update on Fiona. Really it has been 30 minutes. I’m not concerned about the exact minute Fiona will return, but then again I no idea what we are doing but am sure someone will point me in the right direction, but is has to be after lunch eh? Damn forgot to remind them to get a unique English beer? Oh well.

Ships? Sure. Off with kids and the in-laws to see the HMS Victory. Alan paid $65 pounds for the five of us, and we took the harbor cruise at 2:30 for 45 minutes, then ice cream for everyone except the mother-in-law. Apparent the America’s Cup is taking place the next weekend where 500k people will attend; glad we are not around. We did see the Oracle, and Hugo Boss boats. 5 and the shops were closing, but managed to get some postcards and the melt downs happened over a black cat (Niamh) for 25 pounds and a small blue plastic sub for 8 pounds (Lawson). Not going to buy another dumb stuffed animal or toy kids will play with for a day and forget or destroy at a tourist gift store. Back by 6 and the lovely Fiona had returned from her hen party.

We traded storied with kid interruption, but it sounds like she had a nice time. No one ended up holding anyone’s hair, but the package hen party didn’t really crack up to be that great of an experience due to lack of food and long periods of boredom between events; drink making, dinner, and dancing each had a two hour delay between them. The event planner was not thrilled between a pregnant person and a lady who brought her 6 month old; party on Garth, swinnnn – not. Oh well. Fiona is a people person anywho so it was not all bad, but she did say more champagne would have been nice between 8 people. Oh well.

Lamb for dinner with potatoes and veggies. Guinness goes best with dinner. Make that two. Kids in bed by 8:15 after more spongebob. Oh wait kids talk and cause drama until 10. Niamh was tired of Lawson getting out bed and tried to keep him need, bu then ended up slamming the door and not letting him back in the room. I pointed out the fact she now was in trouble for slamming the door and then if he was suppose to go to bed she made it impossible by keeping him out of the room -oh. They traded apologies. Fiona talked sternly to them twice about raiding her bag and taking out a ballon. No they were not going to play with a balloon at 10 but I went to bed at 12 and all was quiet. I was up for 2 hours trying to get a car for Scotland. Arm + leg later manage to get an automatic car and backup car for 205 pounds for 6 days. Not clear if budget place is on airport or not so backup place is hertz.

July 20, 2015 – Monday

Travel day. Divide wedding junk and stuff we need. Only two bags which the in-laws stuff into their car. We have nothing to check and the plane leaves at 12:30. It is 9:30 now and the in-laws are gone. Hansel is after shoes and socks again. Joy has graciously agreed to drive us to the airport. We leave in an hour.

Joy took us to the South Hampton Airport inDavid’s fancy BMW X3 without incident. The kids waved and said goodbye as she shoved us out of the car. Lawson helped push Fiona’s buttons, but this time he helped us checkin without the random self check in feasco at SFO. I had warmed up ham panini with a coffee cooler. The coffe cooler was not a big seller since I had to repeat myself 3 times. She finally got it. The kids split some chocolate thing and had their juice box or lemonade. Hurry up time to go through security. Yes Lawson you can put your backpack in its own tray. Oh I can’t put mine with you eh? Troublemaker. Ipads separate at this place, well ok fine? Fiona pulls out the iPads but Kindles are ok in the bag. Whatever.

Ina prop plane with 20 rows, 2 per side. Will lovingly fill up row 9. Kids on one side parents on the other. Fiona sneakily sits by the window which means I’m on kid duty. No it is twisted; it goes in this way. No pull it this way. Oh you can do it by yourself. Good. The Scotish Snow White gives us guidance over how she can save our lives on this Flybe flight, and she hopes we enjoy our flight. Luckily the witch does not make an appearance, but it is raining in Scott-land. I remember the canvas bag, and we are off to get out Carew stand behind 4 Italian old people who have to make decisions by concerns us which had to be first translated, discussed, argued, and then spoken by the one person who does English, and then reconsidered again. My beard is growing long and gray by the time we reach the helpful Budget rental person, but Fiona springs to action as the kids destroy some coloring books with huge coloring devises. Down the covered walkway for ages, to a small box with a man who gives Fiona a key to a Vauxhal. Hamlsh the TomTom has found himself able to guide us the 30 minutes around Edinbourgh to Majorie and Andrew’s home.

We beat the old people in the car as we get in at 3:30, and they arrive at 5:30. Alan complains that they didn’t fly because it was Fiona’s fault which I doubt, but whatever they are here and grumpy which is not surprising as Rowena probably pestered him for 8 hours. Oh well. The UK Open is on, and there is a 3 man horse race. I FaceTime PopPop and he says hello and that he is batch’in it for two weeks while Amah is down in LA. I guess I will have to call him more this week to check up on him to make sure he is eating more than just Snicker bars.

Chicken, potatoes, and 3 Guinness later I’m done with dinner. Get a call from contractor about house. Call back discuss, decisions made. Call Tiffany and talk and tell her she runs point. Damn crumble and cream has gone cold. Bummer, but very tasty. Kids watch kindle which I programmed to explode at 10 pm. Fits of outrage ensue. Lawson is bananas and wants to sleep with mommy. Huh, he must be wrecked if he wants that, but Fiona does not want to be pummeled by the almost 4 year old all night. Goes up and convinces him is blowup mattress is magic, or a flying carpet, or just said he’ll no either way Fiona is snoring by herself in this double bed. There will be a duvet tussle tonight and elbows aflyin. Oh well. Bed by 12:30.

July 21, 2015 – Tuesday

Up at 9. More toast and butter. Wonder if I can go to a pub today 😉 No not the pun but off to an old bridge and island. Went to the forth bridge and the three different bridges in the area old, newer, and being built. We caught a ship at 12:15 for a tour of the bay and then to the island of Inchcolm to see an old church/castle. 1:45 hour later we got back on the boat that went back under the old bridges and we saw the new bridge. Lunch was ham, butter, and bread on the boat ride out with me in a sweatshirt and the a north face jacket. Opted to but on my knit hat instead of my baseball hat on they way back. Fiona snagged some happy birthday balloons that the kids boffed in the back of the car until Fiona took a few away and then laser came out and they quieted down and fell asleep on the way back. We arrived back by 5 and both Alan and Andrew got me beer – Alan dark and Andrew light beer so I have a mix of both – yeah! I had two tasty beers to start off the night ; ‘Black Gold’ and ‘The West Highland Way’.

Housing project seems like it might get started here with a bit of luck.; thank you Tiffany. Back to important things, dumb email.  The dark beer was good, but the west highland way had a story behind it. There is a 96 mile trek over seven days, how cool. Google it, 96 mile west highland and there is a website for it. I told Fiona that it sounded pretty neat and that I would like to do it and she looked at me like I’m a fat old man with kids kind of look, but I still think it would be fun even if this new gig only has 2 weeks vacation.  Dinner was a beef stew with potatoes, and dessert a cake of chocolate with a topping of vanilla ice cream. Cake could have been more moist, but it was still good. Kids just happened to show up in time for ice cream and/or cake – how convenient. Gave kids a bath told them not to use the squeezy toys that spit water but they did, so had to drain the tub to get the mold out of the water. Then gave them a half bath/shower thing where they sit down while it turned the tap off and on with shampoo and conditioner with a hand held shower wand. Kids where sparkling, whined for milk, and a movie I said tough so ended up watching a sailing show that talked about how canons and the ports of England changed over time through war. Pretty neat the kids went to bed at 9, but with much rankor didn’t fall asleep until more like ten. I watched a show about the Cold War and hot jets which is a pretty good warm up to the air show on Sunday. Ran out of dental floss, bummer. In bed by 11:30ish.

July 22, 2015 – Wednesday

Woke up at 9. Toast and butter. A bit of juice. Yeah, I’m ready for golf. Andrew has loaded up the 7 seater Prius. Dumped the kids seats back inside and off to play golf. Started at 10:45 and played with a man I could not understand named Robert. Robert was a very good golfer. The rain started on 7 and stopped on 9. We got yelled at an old guy driving a motorized 4 wheeled scooter, for not waving him thru. Whatever. We let him pass at the beginning of 10. I only lost one golf ball, and got a few pars. The total score after playing Musselburgh was 102, so not too shabby. I even got to just wear my polo for 5 holes until the wind and rain whipped up again on 17. We finished at 3pm and snuck into the bar with golf shoes on, don’t tell the warden. Had a Caledonia Best, make that 2 with a beef burger with bacon and cheese. Yum. Done by 4, and back to the house at 4:30. The noisy kids arrived back at 5:30. Turns out they were a day early to see Robert and Hilary at the pub, so I didn’t miss them – yahoo. Not that hungry for dinner, but am drinking another beer called, ‘St. Andrews Amber Ale’. Looks like they are trying to find dinner now, but think I’m just having dessert.

Dinner was beef and potatoes. Nursed the ale over dinner. Played a new level of plant versus zombie 2. Bed by 1am.

July 23, 2015 – Thursday

Woke up at 8. Showered. Shaved. Cup of OJ. Farted around until 11:15 and then we went on a car drive to find Robert and Hillary at the lunch place the Park Bistro in Linlithgow (pronounced Lynn-lith-co). Robert and Alan went to school together so they sat around hooting at this and that while Andrew, Fiona and the kids sat at the other end of the table. It actually was a good time since this is the same place we discovered in 2012 where they had the closed off the kiddie room. So the kids played in this room until lunch came, then snuck off, and then promptly reappeared mysteriously when ice cream was delivered. I had a Tennant Lager, which is the Scottish Budwiser, with a bacon, Brie, and cranberry panini with a salad and chips. I then tried an Iron Bru, which was a cross between a red bull and vanilla root beer. It was not bad. Niamh had toast and coleslaw, and Lawson a sausage, beans, and fries. Mint for the girl, and vanilla for the boy with smarties sprinkled on top for dessert. For those of you not familiar with Smarties it is the M&M equalivant. There is a raging debate over which is better but you can decide for yourself. However NIamh is not a fan of chocolate chips in ice cream and spits them out one by one – pretty gross. So no more chocolate cookies for this one. She failed to eat the last bit so Lawson was eager to help.  Back into the play room.

The rest of the afternoon was going to find different parts of Outlander places to take a picture. Outlander is a series of books that the Fiona has read, and is also a show on Starz that Fiona and I watch; on season two so far. Before we started on our adventure we stopped by the Linlithgow Palace and walked around the outside of the place while it rained on us for 30 minutes. Then off to Blackness (pronounced blackness) which is not the color of my mother in law’s hat, but a name of a castle The old people didn’t get out of the car, or they sort of did but then crept back to take refuge from the chilly wind whipping at their heels. The kids loved the castle and were running around like, what’s the expression, children. Up spiral stair cases, across the walls, peering out guard portals, yelling at the old people. At one point we found a placard that said ‘latrine’, and asked Lawson to do a fake wee into the old castle potty – he loved it and there did appear to be a few takers who used it still. Reminds me when we went down to the forth bridge a few days ago and we had to make a pit stop for Lawson so he could take a big pee by a bus stop, not that there was anyone at the bus stop , but he did water the lush greenery around the bus stop. Oh well.

Once back in the cars it was off to find the birthplace of the character Jamie, Lallybroch, which turned out to be Midhope Castle. Lawson fell asleep, and Niamh found (with the help of her grandfather) some wild raspberries which she could not get enough. Fiona didn’t check the camera toggle on the topic the DSLR so we had the go back and take a few more pictures that would come out. Then we stopped by a nice spot to look again at the Forth Bridge which happened to be across from a giant field filled with yellow flowers (like mustard flowers) which was pretty neat. Lawson was still asleep. Then Alan went home, and the car I was in stopped to get dinner for tonight at Tesco’s. I picked up stamps for all the postcards. Just need our little writer to write them. I heard Lawson slept the entire time.

Pork chops, apple stuff, and a stuffed potato for dinner. The beer selection was quite fine too. I search and found the holy grail, which was a little better than Budweiser. The name was great but too bad the beer was not dark. Then a Raven Ale which was better but not dark either. Oh well. Lawson could not figure out what bed to sleep in, so bounced between ours and his, but think he finally settled down at 10 in his bed? He is not I here at least 😉 I guess we get to share our room with the kids tomorrow since Neil and the lovely Teresa are coming to town. I get Niamh on the air mattress and Fiona gets Lawson on the air mattress. No one wins. Oh well. More beer makes it better.

July 24, 2015 – Friday

Up at 9. No toast. Asked for coffee with ice, sugar, and milk and it was too complicated for Alan so he didn’t get one for me. Lawson didn’t want to put on clothes either this morning. Left at 11 for Peebles. About 40 minutes south of Edinburgh. Fiona drove our Vauxhal Mokka Turbo, and Alan his weird Mercedes hatchback. We arrived, parked for free, and went to Coltman’s for lunch. I had a cheese, meat, and veggie plate. Lawson was confused since they didn’t have peanut butter, chicken nuggets, or pasta to eat, so he had some of my cheese and toast. I had a very yummy beer that is home brewed in Peebles, Traquair Bear Ale, and went to the liquor store and pick some more up as gifts for my brother and father. Walked a bit down the middle of town looking at the shops, and Fiona found a gift for Alan. Then it was off to the Kailzie Fishery for other little gifts for fisherman of the family. This place also had a great little putt putt for the kids with a proper golf ball, holes, and golf club. Quite a good little course! Niamh and Lawson loved it and raced around the course hitting the balls this way and that, and Niamh got upset since she was not doing it good enough. I laughed and said I don’t do it good enough all the time, but try and practice to get better if mommy lets me 😉 Back home to the house; a 45 minute drive through the back roads. Lawson fell asleep 20 minutes from the house. Here we are the kids watching a kids shows and all the big kids on their electric devices.

July 25, 2015 – Saturday

Up at 8 with kids screaming. joy. Kids being dumb about not letting each one of the couch and one throwing something. Damn kids 😉 Neil and Teresa showed up at 9 and have themselves a Bacon Buddy which consist of two buttered bread with bacon shoved between them. Yum. I had a juice. Oh well. Off at 11 to East Fortune which hosts the air show this afternoon, a 20 minutes drive, but slightly longer since the people didn’t know how to park or direct cars to park. Oh well. We park and I leave my cell phone in the car, Fiona does one better as she left her cell phone at the house (which has her drivers license and a few credit cards) nice.  We see the first consumer aircraft the comet4 which did transatlantic flight with fewer bump some! Who knew? We walked through it and read about its demise to the Boeing 707 which could seat more people and fly further. Then off to the big black hanger to see a Concord after we found a seat on the lawn outside. A line to see the Concorde. It was bigger than I thought with 30ish rows, and about 10 inches between seats, not leather weird. We could not go into the cockpit which was a bummer. Fiona was disappointed with the interior and it was a let down for me to after being in business class on Virgin Atlantic. Granted it takes 5ish hours instead of 3ish, but flight stuff has vastly improved in 12 years since the last Concorde flight in 2003, since it was built in the 60’s.

Lunch was crisps, little finger sausages, sausage rolls, carrots, hummus, chicken, and little chocolate things as a picnic. The best part was the Hurricane Beer and a Guinness of course. The aerobatic flights took over lunch with a bunch of different planes and bi-planes, then the Red Arrows arrived which is the British version of the Blue Angels, and barrel rolls, loop-at-loops, splits, and face-to-face maneuvers followed along with shouts of glee and gasps of amazement from kids and old people alike. Helicopters and more planes came to display their astonishing feats of flying, but a big dark cloud was heading our way and it was about 3 so we headed back to the car. Lots of queuing for the toilet and the old people beat us to the car as we had to stop once for the kids and then again for the Fiona. Found the car which was good since we parked next to the road, and was out by 3:30 and back to the house by 4. There are rumors of heading to a pub tonight for dinner. I think my dinner will be of the liquid variety.

Yes, we went to a pub, Mrs. Forman’s Bistro, where I had Edinburgh Gold which was pretty smooth beer. In fact, I had two including a burger with bacon, Brie, cheddar, Stilton and grilled onions. It was pretty good since the burger came in a 6 ounce version. To top it off I had apple and cininmon crumble with vanilla ice cream. Mode of transport was to walk, but the walk back consisted of each kid trying to hang of each of my arms. Now that I have no more feeling in my arms arms the kids are ready for bed at 9. I’ll probably play plants vs. zombies 2 again tonight unles someone else cooks up something else. Neil and the lovely Teresa faded so it is just the old people and the kids, and I’m guessing the kids will win the who stays awake game.

July 26, 2015 – Sunday

Another travel day. Back to Droxford. Watched Pitch Perfect with Andrew last night till 12. It was pretty campy in that it made fun of itself, and reminded me of Glee, and like the movie’s main character said during the film of other films, this too was entirely predictable. It was a fun movie and the music was good at least.  … I wrote an update on my phone and it did keep the update. So much for switching devices. It’d was a really good update too.  Flipping devices grrrrrrrr.. Since I was last up to our the room, the kids were all sorted in there spots along with the Fiona. I managed to sneak in without waking them up too much.

Woke up at 8:30. Moved a couch into Andrews car. Kids slammed me with balloons covered in cat hair. Andrew left to deliver couch. Neil was hungry. Teresa looked nice in a dress. It was a sunny morning in Scott-land. Took a walk to downtown to eat at Lucas where I had a Canadian brunch which consisted of a pancake wrapped around bacon drizzled with maple syrup. Yum. The brunch included toast, OJ, and white coffe. White coffee is apparently where they put the milk in for you, so I let it cool and gulpped it down with the edition of 3 sugars. Alan was surprised to see me drinking hot coffee. Speaking of food, my wise and pontificious father in law informed me in the parlor this morning that it is not a bacon buddy but a bacon butty since there is butter on the bread. A guy at work used to say buddon instead of button and he was from Santa Barabra, so if you can understand my confusion, dumb ‘Mercian.

On the way out the door we picked up a chocolate mouse and cat, and I order a ‘thick’ milkshake. You can guess which kid got which animal. The winner gets a Girl Scout cookie. Old people took the car back, and Fiona and I got some Scottish money out from the local bank to pay for air show tickets and the mass consumption of food during our 6 day stay. I got a spoon for my thick milkshake on the way back to the house. Packing occurred. Goodbyes were said with hugs. Oh look we are late. Shouting goodbyes out of windows of car that was covered with bird crap. So much so that I think the bird must have died from crapping so much on my side of the car. Dumb bird(s).

Oh look traffic. Crap we have get gas. Shell station was in worst possible stop 2 miles from airport – note to self, never stop for gas at Shell station at mayburn as it was utter hell trying to get going the right way back to the airport. Stupid gas station. Oh look Tim’s trying to help with directions. Stop helping Tim. Tensions are high as kids are told to shut up as we are trying to locate rental return to drop off car. Car rental place found. No not found. We drive in circles. Sign said next left. Stupid sign. I yell, ‘park next to the stupid budget shack’. Stupid rental shack, crappy signs. Crap we are late. Can I ride the luggage. No. Can I ride the luggage. No. Youngest monster ignores me and starts pushing 4 wheeled bag. Ask to stop. Crying ensues. Pouting. We take pictures of kids on Edinburgh sign. Crap we are late. Can I ride the luggage? No? What did I just tell you and your brother? Fiona starts pulling her hair out. Meltdowns continue along longest walk ever from rental car park to airport – literally and figuratively.

Arrived at airport and see baggage drop but where to get boarding passes? Go to bag drop machine says to scan ticket? Crap. Ask lady. Go to gray machine over there. Uh ok we walk over there. Is this the gray machine in the BA section? What a cluster. It looks right. Eureka! Print boarding passes. Yes it is confirmed we have 20 minutes until boarding starts, we are late. Awesome. Fiona comments that this will be the fastest security line checkin in history. Mr grumpy is grumptastic, but utters no words instead takes case to luggage checkin as we now have boarding passes. Yahoo. Luggage thing prints. There is nothing to remove to make tag stick around handle it just sticks together like magic. Grrrr after I looked for 2 minutes for a peely thing. GOD DAMN PEELY THINGY. GRUMP.

To security line. Through people collecting baggies like homeless people for their 3 ounces of this and that. Directed to the family line. All hope and positivity drains from Fiona’s face as we see 30 ‘families’ with all their shit everywhere in the security line. Lawson has meltdown and is still pouting about not being able to ride the pink case. Fiona has to carry him through screaming, alerts go off. Fiona didn’t take off her watch. She gets blasted with radiation to make sure she is not a terrorist.. She passes, but only because she is blonde. Man I’m grumpy. 2 bags pass and 2 fail, well 1 really fails it just so happens that two bags fit in one container. Security people are calling out owners who are not quick enough to respond. Damn queues. Oh we didn’t take out the iPad mini and Kindles of course. No freaking consistency between airports. love a duck. Swab em. Pass. Put belt back on. Gate 20 really? Lawson has lost privlege to walk or run on moving walkway – drama continues as Fiona carries him. Finally reach the further possible point in airport and there is a queue. Fiona wants to stand in it, I am not even sure it is the right line I go to gate 20 people ignore me. The TV says to wait and the destination is Southhampton. I talk to no one and go put our piles of crap next to a big silver thing. Everyone is thirsty since we had to dump our water out at security, but we made it.

Fiona leaves to get water and kitkats, and her coke. 2 minutes after she leaves they call for boarding the plane. Ah crap where is the Fiona. I make kids get ready.people are getting on plane. There are no more people getting on plane. Crap. Crap. I see her. I vigouriously swing my head in the direction of the gate as the schlepper is fully schlepped. Fiona picks up speed. I have passports and boarding passes out to lady when Fiona appears next to us. We are on. Freaking A.

Lawson falls asleep 5 minutes after planes takes off – he sleeps the entire 1 hour flight. I play hearts and listen to music. Off the plane. Our pink bag makes it. Kids fight over who can ride on it. Didn’t we cover this already? Mr Grump makes his appearance again and we are off to the car rental. Oh wait potty first. Now Fiona can be grumpy with car rental people. Turns out we had to cancel one of our reservations 24 hours ahead to not get charged. We didn’t. Fiona is too nice, and the guy at the counter is completely useless and can’t do crap so Fiona tries to make it better. We get a free car upgrade, free gas, and I’m a second driver. Whoopee. What is the saying, lipstick on a pig is still a pig. It takes 30 minutes to work this crap out with the trainee; it is not his fault Fiona explains to me as we are in the car and she did the best she could with what she had to work with and she is being as frugal as possible. Blah, blah, blah. She says the difference is 60 pounds on the stuff she was able to get and what we got is better than the quote from the US site versus the UK site. $!?&#* Enterprise rent a car. It will be a long time before I rent a car again from morons who don’t know how to process and fix issues with their global website. Oh let’s charge me more and have me feel good about it. No I don’t feel good about it and Fiona got the brunt of my displeasure, but she is over it and feels we got treated ok and is over it. Whatever. I’m not impressed. I huffed in the car the entire time. Huff.

Arrived at Joys and David’s and most of the grumpiness had left my system by the time we arrived. Hansel the dog missed us. The kids ran up and got toys and promptly scattered them about. Fiona sighs. Oh well. It is definantly time for a beer, and wine for the Fiona. We settle in and swap stories, and it is time for dinner. The beer is good, and the steak is great with a side of fries and a salad. Chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream, I have seconds. Fiona comments that Marjorie read my post about her cake being a bit dry. It is good that people read my blog but I’m not an expert in food but do like beer and food and like to write about it. I give Fiona crap about her cooking on occasion and her reply is  fine I can cook 😉 or just shut up and eat it. Anywho I liked Joy’s cake, and  it was a taste test for the Lawson. He liked it too. The secret ingredient was zucchini – who knew. Another beer later and the kids finally went to bed at 9:45 after more spongebob square pants. I finished my beer and came up at 10:30 to get the electric bits all plugged back in and to take a shower. It is 1am and will hopefully not be grumpy tomorrow. Well try at least. I think driving on a nice scenic road during a sunny day to a pub for a pint might help my mood in what Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear calls the fastest car in the world; a rental car.

July 27, 2015 – Monday

When I was finishing my post last night Lawson woke up came into our room, went out of our room, took a wee pee, and got back I bed with a sip of water. Not exactly sure why he came in our room other than he is completely an utterly exhausted.

Up at 8. Toast. Butter and the orange goo with a bit of OJ too. Fiona is off to help the budding bride to be. Any guesses on where the kids want to go now that we are back at Joy and David’s? Yup, you guessed correctly, the park, the very same with the zip line. We left at 9:45 in a heavy mist not exacly rain, but there was bits of blue with heavy cloud in the sky. Not a stellar day by any means, a day found in WA state in March. We threw the boomerang that Neil gave Niamh a few days ago. It mostly went straight, but I did get it to curve a few times and only once did it boomerang. The kids where highly impressed that it curved at all, and equally impressed when it didn’t curve back. It did curve into a tree and we had to readjust accordingly. We spent a good hour tossing and fetching the boomerang, well I didn’t but the kids sure had a good time tossing and fetching their own throws. Then a. 9 year old boy appearedand shows the kids a few new moves on the zip line. He stood up on it and switched hands as it came down the line. Niamh and Lawson where impressed with feat of daring and athleticism. So they of course tried it, but no one fell off. Then a bit of play grounding that ended since it was ‘raining’ and they wanted to go back. Well ok. Watched a movie they had seen before and it was time for lunch. The big question was Fiona going to join us for lunch? No answer. So that would be a no. A cross on wrapped around bacon. They do love bready things wrapped around meat in this country. I had to have 3 of the 4 with a very sensible glass of water. Boy getting fat and justifying it is easy. Yum.

A pretty tame day with another movie for the kids as the weather was windy and gray. A bowl of Cheerios appeared so it is good to see that life for the kids had not changed at all when it comes to farting around with toys, movies, and Cheerios. Fiona appears at 6:15ish and is shaking her head at the way the wedding is shaping up. Ah the control freak is not in control of this event. Mind you if she was in charge it would have been an epic event with fireworks, but it will be what it is and will be beautiful no matter what. We are not here for center pieces, but for the beer! Oh wait I mean Rebecca, right, her the other beautiful blonde. Anywho, the in laws appear shortly after around 6:45 and we get news of Margorie. There was a small possibility we would have to go get new clothes at the shops, borrow some or do a quick load of laundry since the In laws had out big case with all our junk. Things are ok now by apparently there was a scare that Fiona’s aunt had a stroke or a brain thing as she had a temporary memory lapse for about 4 hours which lined up with a music artist that she had wanted to see the last 20 years. She went to hospital they ran tests but it was in all literal sencse a temporary memory issue and nothing more, no stroke and no long term things or explain action of why it occurred. It was probably the stress of having us in her house for 6 days with all the stuff and that goes along with having family stay at your house. Anyway she is deemed all good and hope no one else has to go through that as that would suck, not the family staying part but the memory loss which is right below memory loss depending on the family 😉 my dad has a good expression about family that stays over… Family are like fish, after 3 days they both begin to smell. Ha.

Dinner was great – sausages, chicken, carrots, potatoes, and some cheesey broccolli/calliflower thing with two beers. David is down to 2 in the beer fridgeso I might have to chip in and go get more for his stock since I drunk most of it. Had more of the chocolate cake and ice cream. Meet Joy’s and David’s 40 year old-ish son, Keith, who drives a blue MR2 and has a 4 month old little girl named Emma with a French lady, Allison. Between them have 3, 2 seater cars. I guess they are not married either so the Alan and the Fiona we’re giving him a hard time about both topics. Seemed like an alright bloke who I could have pint with and commiserate how kids will suck the life out of you, but are a delight except for the parts that require being a broken record and keeping them from doing dumb things that would stop them from being cute and happy. Kids in bed by 9:15ish, and I played more games until people went to bed so I had to go too. Nite nite.

July 28, 2015 – Tuesday

Kids are up before 7, but I manage to wrangle a few more hours and get up at 9ish. To the zoo! We are off to the zoo around 11, and I am driving the super duper upgraded car that is twice as big as a typical car in the UK. Everyone here drives a smart car equalivant oa hot hatch. This is a full size ‘Merican car ,a Vauxhal Insignia CDTI a desiel that is pawned off on unsuspecting idiots tourists. The closest ‘Merican car I think is the Chevy Impala or Malibu since it is a GM car. Anywho way to big for these little country narrow lanes. Luckily the zoo is only 12 miles away so I do not have to travel very far. Fiona is freaked out the entire time and she complains that is have rubbed the car into the hedge along the way, not a scratch on it. Even the round about was super. Not so bad for my 2nd attempt. We walk for 3.5 hours in a big circle around the zoo and see all sorts of zoo animals that you would typically see: penguins, tigers, cheetahs, turtles, snakes, hippos, giraffes, lemurs, camels – you get the idea. Lawson is in rare form again and wants to be carried half the time and then asks when he can go back to the car. Fiona is thrilled to have to repeat to him that no we can’t go the the playground we are here to see animals not play on slides and swings that we can go any place. Likewise I take him potty after lunch and then 5 minutes after leaving the lunch place he says he has to go potty again. Yup the Fiona now has fist full screen of hair in her hand and I’m beating my head against a rhino statue. In two more days he turns four and the angels will sing right? Oh well. Niamh is a little better but wants to take pictures or ride on my shoulders.

Lunch was super. Meat lazing a, fries, and a beer. Yum. Took many pictures of the animals and kids doing something with the animals. Seeing the snow leapord was probably the neatest animal for me and tried to convince Niamh to go with that small stuffed zoo momento. Instead she went with an owl; she named it Hooty. Lawson made a wise and unglamerious choice of a blue tractor. Nothing like a blue tractor to remind you of that time in 2015 of the zoo you went to when you where 4ish. Oh well.

According to Fiona the drive home was worse than the drive to the zoo. whatever no died and the car is in perfect condition. We got back at four and on of the conditions of Niamh getting her owl was that she had to write all her postcards that she has been putting off. Well after an hour and a half of drama (tears, smothering her person on me, wiggling her butt in the air, silent treatment) she finally managed to finish 9 postcards. All that drama for 9 postcards, Geez. They are now addressed except for one where my uncle and aunt are nomads at the moment so need to pin them down so Niamh can give them an update about how much she has enjoyed the zip line here at the park

Dinner was left over chicken, potatoes, a green salad, and a side of beer. Down to one beer in David’s fridge! Oh no! Lawson had Cheerios since he had fall an asleep and no we could not make him a taco – he pouted for quite a long time until he agreed to Cheerios. Baths for the kids , then a small movie, Beaty and the Beast and finally bed for them at 9:30ish. I finished addressing the postcards, and now will play a bit more of my stupid game that is completely pointless.

July 29, 2015 – Wednesday

The clock bonged 9 times, so guess it is time to get up. Took a shower, shaved. To the train! Off to see a train of nostalgia at Alresford which is a steam train run by volunteers and goes 4 stops down to Alton. I get in the car with the kids and Alan and we proceed to drive down narrow lanes and cars ditch themselves to get out of each other’s way. We arrive through blind corners and twisty , and buy our tickets. The engine has to move from the front to the back at the end of each run which is pretty interesting. We pile third car from the engine and go our four stops, and get off and walk to a pub since it is noonrds. The railroad pub does not surve lunch, doh! So we all hobble out and walk down and see the Alton hotel, and they take us in for lunch and a beer. I have a ham sandwich but instead of cheese the bread is coated in butter. It was pretty tasty with its salad and coleslaw on the side. I snuck from fries from the kids off their chicken nugget lunches. The beer was unique and was ok. Then a short walk back to the train and on we get and ride it back. We opt out of stopping at Ropley to see the train bits and other train stuff, instead we go back to the start and visit the gift shop to by a few postcards and wrist wraps for the kids. We discuss going to get some tea, coffee, and a beer for me and the old people opt out as they don’t want to push their lunch with the kids and Alan is worried about his parking spot. David did manage to go to the store and pick up more beer so I guess, twist my arm, that I’ll drink more of David’s beer.

It is six now and we are trying to figure out what to do for Lawson’s birthday and lunch tomorrow. I’m off to get a beer while the planners plan. I did get some stuff for his birthday but it is all at our house. Oh well. Off to a fancy pub called, ‘The Hurdles’ where I had a beer called fuggle-dee-dum. We walked to get there past a house called the mill, it is now a personal residedence but they have a river running through their house. How cool is that! I had a burger this place, it was well, well, done. It was presentation on a little cutting board and a little metal round screened cup with fries. It was a fat tall burger that looked great, but boy was it crunchy. I would give it a 7 out of 10. Anywho, it was all very nice, but Lawson did have to go to the bathroom another 5 times during dinner. We walked back to the house and saw many slugs on our way back to the house down the same ‘road’ that was a lane that ox used to pull a cart as it was about as wide as an ox cart or a smart car take your pick. Back to the house and the kids watch Beauty and the Beast then are off to bed. We have not played Cards Against Humanity that Fiona ordered to Joy’s house, oh well more plants vs zombies for me.

July 30, 2015 – Thursday

Niamh came in at 8:30 to get her kindle, and I got up shortly after and now am downstairs watching Frozen and looking at pieces of computer paper stuck to the French doors that read, ‘Happy Birthday Lawson’. I think they also keep the dog from looking I the windows but Fiona said she didn’t t know how the walls would hold up with scotch tape and the 9 pieces of birthday paper posters Niamh created. There are balloons in the kitchen, a cake, and a banner; looks like we are all set for a party.

Hansel just charged the TV to eat Sven the reindeer from the movie, that was pretty funny and surprising. Dumb dog. We are off to The Bull Inn which is almost one and a half hour drive away which is why we are leaving at 10:30 to arrive at noon for lunch with Alan, Christine, and Peter Fox! Old family friends of Alan and Rowena from when they where in college and are family on Rowena’s side. We have the TomTom and n car nav systems duking it out to find the best route while we follow the old people. The kids are going nuts in the back but calm down about 20 minutes from our destination. We arrive and say hello Peter gives Lawson a birthday card and an envelope with a ten pound note for each kid ! Wow that is grand! I have a feeling a thank you note from each kid will be on its way back to Peter when we arrive back in the states if we can mange it between getting ready for 2nd grade!

I have a lunch portion of chili con carne with cornbread and chips, Fiona opts for rice with her chilli. I have a pint of English Pride, and follow that pint with a Ghost Ship which was pretty bitter, but the Pride beer was not to shabby. There is a church nearby that I walk the kids around and read off the markers to the kids when they ask me to read them. We say goodbye to the gaggle of old people and then head off to the wedding house where Fiona has been tasked with doing something crafty. It is about an hour drive away back towards Southhampton. Fiona is doing all the driving today which is ok by me, but I made her a deal I am going to say nothing about her driving even is she rolls the car into a ditch other than the comment that I guess we should call the credit card so they can pay for the car damage, as I do not want her to keep giving me crap when she does the exactly the same type of tire ditching, run into hedge maneuvers that I do when I drive 😉 Oh and good news about these circles and square symbols that I’ve see floating around of yellow signs the squares are for big trucks like moving trucks and which they follow. The circles ar effort he little tiny cars that everyone else drive so! So I’m all for following the square, but really this follow the symbol stuff is nonsense.if they just made all the roads wide enough to fit a lorry (a big rig) two wide to clear the mirrors it would be great, and then turn all these other stupid lanes into bike paths or for motor bikes.

So we arrive at the Osborn residence and Swedish people greet us along with barking dogs of the English settler variety. The kids head straight to the back yard and then proceed to bounce on the trampoline for an hour while Fiona gets her craftiness on with glitter and glue. We see the groom to be and then he disappears, and Steve also makes an appearance with a flying toy helicopter that the kids play with for another 20 minutes until the battery runs out. Steve gives us tennis balls and a plastic catch and ball thing. I try to convince him to leave this catch toy at his house, but he insists so I take it with the two tennis balls. Hansel the German Shepard will be most happy to chew on these for sure. Oh well. We say our goodbyes and is 30 minutes we are back at Joy and David’ by 7ish.

More beer? Yes please. An EPA for me, along with some homemade meat lasagna. Seconds? Sure. Rhubarb crumble for desert along with birthday cake! We sing happy birthday and candle blowing occurs successfully on top of the Thomas the Train Engine Cake! Whew, Whew! The kids have their milk and it is time for bed. Presents tomorrow since it is 9:30, and the card game does not happen either. Oh well.

July 31, 2015 – Friday

Today was a weird day. Up at 8:30 for a bit of tropical juice that was clear – who has clear juice? Then it was to the shops for a bit of a outing for us, and the old people went to the church. Fiona’s ‘mall-dar’ was not working so we used the TomTom and put in Mark and Spencers which was 20 minutes away and set off. Oh Lawson’s shoes are still wet from where I had to hose them off. He stepped in poo while playing catch with Niamh. Not only his shoes but where he has tracked it or tried to scrape it off on the patio, luckily I yelled at him to stay outside before he tracked it in the house. Oh Well.

We arrived and found the only diner in the UK, Deans Diner, that Fiona didn’t want to eat food at since it reminds her of Johnny Rockets. Well too bad. I had a burger and a chocolate shake, Fiona salad, the girl beans and toast, the boy pancakes – everyone was happy. The over to M&S for some clothing materials. We arrived back to Joys around 4, and then it was off to the hotel to finally attend our destination wedding.Yahoo!

We arrive at Old Thorns Hotel and Golf course and check in and change to then go down the street for pre wedding party. There are 40 Swedish people, 4 British, and 1 dumb ‘Merican. I can’t understand anyone or their names but I try. I drink beer to help me remember and to help me with the accent. I have 3 really nice local beers and a Guinness. We sit at a table for 45 people and we are at one end. I convince the kids to sit at the kid table. They later become fast friend with all the kids three 11 years, one 14 year, one 9 year, and one 6 year old – so six Swedish kids and our two loud and proud kids. They got on swimmingly. It was kind of like that at our end of the massive table (Sarah the blond, Thare with sexy beard, Jacob with the glasses, Sophie with brown hair, Andres who is 6’7″, and Emma who is with the tall guy who had a bun in her hair. All very nice. I had a burger and creme brûlée. Fiona left with with Rebecca, and Natelie, and then David left so I guess it was time to go for me too. I left with the kids around 10 and took the very short 400 yard drive back to the hotel. The kids are wiped but in the same bed, I have a king to myself. Wonder what Fiona is sleeping on? I hear the bar music from down below as wee are only on the second floor & there is no view – probably one of the poorer rooms in the hotel. It is very nice and posh, but I think we could of had done better 😉 Anywho, have to be ready tomorrow at 2. I have no idea how we are getting from hotel to wedding, but am sure something will be figured out.

August 1, 2015 – Saturday

Niamh said it was 7:15 so it was time to get up. Well ok go play on your kindle until your brother wakes up. Oh he is up now well I guess it is time for shower and a shave. I overheard there was breakfast at this place, off to find it. A buffet good. Eggs, bacon, little pastries, and some OJ for me . Little blueberry muffins for the kids along with some fruit. Lawson wanted to eat all the grapes, I only gave him 5 of the 10 that where part of the fruit tin. Breakfast over and they want to swim, sure it is 8:30am. So we find the pool, oh kids can’t swim until 10 hum. Ok let’s for a walk. Oh look a putting green lets go watch people tee off. You want to golf, eh. Let’s find the pro shop. No putters, who? Bummer. Let’s go for a walk. When can we go swimmingly? In about an hour. How long is that’s? About an hour. Can we go swimmingly? This goes on for the duration of our ‘hike’ which is go find a dirt track and walk up it and then turn around in 20 minutes. Lawson has to pee, go water the trees. We turn around, now Lawson has to go number two. Good thing we turned around and can see the hotel. I ask about a van to car pool people to loosely park, and reception has no idea what I’m talking about. Hum.

We change and now are at the pool. A big steamy room that I’m wearing blue jeans and a golf shirt, awesome. It is 10:30 and they have noodles and are jumping in the 1.1 meter to 1.4 meter pool, and the hopping over to the hot tub as the pool is for lap swimming not for kids so is to cold for Lawson – ha. So it is now a struggle between who will play with who, but there are other kids so hopefully they will figure it out.

The kids got out of the pool about an hour later. Had 3 hours to kill and they where hungry, but they where full of chlorine so of course had to give them a bath so they would sparkle at the wedding. So back we went to the room where they had an epic bubble bath. I filled up the tub about half way. Which covered the inlet to the water jets, but to my amazement  that didn’t stop the water from escaping from the tub to cover me, and the bathroom in a sheet of water. Add more water dummy, so I add more until it covers the top jet for your back, about one inch more and presto it was like magic. Let the bubble bath commence! Niamh said this was the best day of her life – ah the simple things. They spent an hour in the bath as it was incredible 😉

Food? No we have two hours to kill, or so I thought. Texted with the Fiona and Nana And figured out the wedding starts at 3 and it takes 30 minutes to arrive so we make plans for me and the kids to be ready to go to a wedding and will meet in laws in lobby. Cool. That leaves and hour and a half for lunch. Perfect. So we go hunt for food by riding various elevators up and down and walking around the hotel to come across the bar behind Starbucks. Starbucks is built into the hotel and the hotel bar is behind it – this place is huge.  We find a table at the back next to the terrace and I have a Hog TEA (a beer) and some chicken tikka masala. Yum. The kids have cumberland sausage, peas, and mash with apple juice or lemonade and a side of toast. Couldn’t get beans at the bar, but everyone is happy and little people eat all their sausage. In return they get the rice puff Indian thing that is a big chip.

Help me with my socks, I want to wear the cheetah dress. Sure Lawson no problem you can put on your socks by rolling them. Oh. No you can’t wear the cheetah dress, mommy wants you to wear the one with the bow. Okay fine the little long haired bossy one gives in. Her hair is a mess I have to comb it again for her. I look good in my sport coat, button up, and fancy kakhis. We are all pretty shiny so we meet the old people for a ride to Losely park which we find in the middle of no where down a one lane track. Man it is a awesome old mansion with super gardens. This place is neat and am sure they have quite a selection of bee houses. Lawson falls asleep on the way there. Grumpy kid sits in grass u and whines. Oh well so much for shiny. So close.

I surrounded by very tall beautiful people, and then their are the British people. All kidding aside everyone looks good, but have not seen the Fiona. Of course we sit behind the one lady with the best hat, and by best I mean the kind I can’t see around, but is quite a nice hat. Ah the English and their hats. Oh well. Lawson sneaks out to play with the gravel, he is coaxed back in but still will not sit with us. After more convincing he does. I’m thirsty he moans. I’ve brought the backpack and have water from the hotel in a glass bottle. Lawson figures out he can suck out water and leave his tongue in the glass bottle and make a popping sound. The third time he does it water ends up all over him and the chair. Bummer. I break out the napkins that I’ve also statched in the backback and mop him and the chair. Niamh has found a one week old baby to moon over and is amazed at the small hands. I water both kids. They sit. I sit. We all sit. It is 3. We sit some more. Doors open. Nope not the princess. 3:15. We sit. We sit some more. Doors open. Nope not the princess. Lawson wants to go home. Nope still not shiney. David the groom is going nuts with nerves. Poor guy. Get used to it – ha.

Ta da! Fiona looks great with super fantastic hair and oh my boobs. Yup the dress is pretty good too. Steve is fantastic at walking and Rebecca is giddy, elated, and beautiful. Thank goodness the princess has arrived. Vows are done in English and is Swedish by bride and groom. Nice job Rebecca – nailed it. Well it sounded just like David so it had to be right, Right? Sure why not since I’m the expert – ha. A very expensive camera fell over! Doh! Oh well. Kur-chunk man what a racket. English and Swedish selections were read. Nice. Otherwise a fantastic ceremony with a minor and forgettable hiccup. Lovely all around while Lawson played on my phone, and Niamh used mommy’s camera to video the ceremony and runs out of space at the crucial kiss. I manage to get in a few good shots around the English hats. I swap out Niamh camera card with the go pro card. Thank you go pro and card adapter to make my kid have more picture taking ability for the rest of the day. Shineyness returns.

Bubbles are handed out. Oh crap bubbles are handed out. I take extra. Bubbles are gone. We sit. More bubbles? I have no idea what you are talking about come sit down. Bubbles are blown, pictures are done. Lawson is now starving and Niamh is also going to implode with starvation and doesn’t like her fizzy drink, but wants mine. Oh there is alcohol in mine so no you can’t have it. Pouting ensues from the masses. Lawson finds more gravel. He finds a pond and rock throwing into pond commences during the rest of the cocktail time. Niamh disappears wth her new Swedish besties. Whining and drink forgotten by the monsters at the witching hour. No I don’t mind having another cocktail, make that two, no three and yes I’ll have some tiny sausages, and tiny roast beef in a chip. Yum.

Go to the barn now? Sure. Lawson’s feet and shoes are magnetized to the gravel for some reason he can’t seem to unstick his feet from the gravel. Oh no, wait he just likes dragging his feet through gravel, silly me. Niamh? Niamh who? Yeah she is around with her besties. Off the the barn with my cocktail. Yeehaw. Find table three, From Russia with Love – ah, that is the puzzle piece that you gave me at the cocktail hour. A clever ruse to get me to be social, well it worked for the Fiona but then again she is the social butterfly and is clever herself. Only wine at table bummer. Hey look a bar, beer me. Toasting and folding begins. The best lines are from Jacob the best man – love is like a fart if you try to hard it is shit – HA  – and then again when he sums up David as a spice girls – baby, sporty, scary, ginger, and posh congrats Bexs you married a spice girl – Classic. David had a ringer too from Homer Simpson about marriage, it’s like being married to your best friend who lets you touch her boobs, nice. Steve had some good stories but the best line was keeping up with Rebecca’s style of living and David can be responsible for her , but please don’t stop lending her money as my life would be over misquote – halrious and the look of Rebecca’s face priceless – get it. Ha. More speeches and speeches and speeches. It is a wedding and I have beer. The kids are playing let the speeches come. Alan makes a final speech and it is a good one not making any blonde jokes as he is in a room full of swedes, and the time when David and his buddy visited California and how bright, intelligence not, good looking, and well spoke he was, and we liked David too – bumb d’bum. Skål!

Dinner was tasty and dancing and cut caking occur via James Bond theme song. In car at 11 with kids. Fiona feels bad about ditching Natalie so Fiona stays behind to mother the bride since Jane has to manage Steve. Sure no problem. Lawson was tired at 3 so he is out as soon as the car door shuts. Niamh is a chatty catty, and asks to go to sleep. Sure I can carry two kids, my backpack, and Fiona’s luggage. No problem. Niamh is awake when we pull up to hotel, her reward elevator button pushing without her little brother in the way as he is now hit deep never wake me up sleep.

August 2, 2015 – Sunday

Fiona snuck in and now is purring beside me. Guess she found herluggage in the bathroom and managed to put on her PJs not so shabby. I was up at 4ish, but really up at 4:30. Today will be a long day, but full of stories. Bacon? juice? Sounds good. It is 7:22 and kids still dead to world – yeah for Fiona 😉 had some good whiskey last night to go with my berr, a 10 year Talisker. Yum.

Small people get up at 9ish, but Fiona does not want breakfast since she arrived around 2ish on the minibus with all the drunk swedes who asked Fiona what funny American drunk bus songs they should sing on the way back to Old Thorns Hotel. Eggs, bacon, chocolate pastries, and OJ for me, a mini blue berry muffin for it with the kids. Lawson , and 7 plates of beans for Niamh. Who knew. Back to the room to find Fiona showered and awake. Check out time, and to the Hollycombe Steam Park for a day of fun, and the to a BBQ with the bride and groom at the Osborn house.

Lawson the monster has appeared as we arrive to the park around 11:30 and he is asleep. No we will not pick you up. He screams and cries. Well this is going to be a fun day, not. This is the biggest place in Britian with steam powered stuff: ferris wheel, carrousel, kiddie train, razzle dazzle from 1906 (only one left in the world), swinging chairs, small toddler carrousel, farm equipment, tractors, pavers, and mobile steam machines as big as big rigs. In summary loads of steam stuff with a grumpy 4 year old. We left at 4 to go to the Osborn house for a BBQ. All the sweets were picnicking in the shade since it was so sunny. I had a German beer, and a burger on buttered bread. Learned a new Swedish word to say goodbye, Hej då!. Sounds like hey Dahl, right. Good. The kids bounced on the trampoline and played with their Swedish friends, then all the Swedish people left about 20 minutes after we arrived as they all wanted to get to Cornwall for some reason. Hum, ok. So then it was a very intimate sit around the table and hang out with the bridge and groom, and family thing so it was not so shabby. Rebecca and David are off for two weeks to Bali, that is rough, hope they have fun!

Back to David and Joy’s and we catch up over wine, beer, cheese, and crackers. I’m so tired in go to bed at 9:3 at the same time as Niamh. Lawson falls lapse in his clothes and is dumped in his bed earlier. Little people wake up but I do not hear them from my daze one was for water and the other needed PJs. Oh well. Snore.

August 3, 2015 – Monday

Okay fine, I’ll get up it is 8:30., and we have to leave at 9 to drive a little over 1.5 hours to make it to the Cotswold Wildlife Park to met Gordon, Lucy, Alex, and Annie. We do not leave on time and make it to the park 5 minutes past 11. There was not a meeting point is was a giant 160 acre park, and pY admission right as when you pRk and bam you walk out of your car and walk into the park. We beat the in laws to the park, and they see me waiting behind the payment shack. While the old people park I spot Gordon and he is walking back to his car due to potty training, but sees the in laws and walks back with them while Fiona and our kids return from the potty. Ah it is all about the potty with kids. Oh well. Anywho off to find Lucy and their kids! Hooray we now make 10 and kids act shy but presto a new playmates have arrived and they begin rushing about doing this and that as kids do.

It is pretty easy to see Lawson and Alex, four and five respectively, as they both have blue shirts on and dark pants or shorts. Niamh keeps them in line and Annie is two so she does best what she does which is to run away from her parents and cause a great deal of yelling, well they all do that. We saw lions, tigers, and bears oh my – well lions, camels, rhinos, giraffes, spiders, lizards, zebras, snakes, simians, owls, and giant tortoises to name a few of the creatures we spie no tigers or bears at this place.

After the kids played on a massive kiddie play structure made of 3 levels with slides, ropes, and poles that took up half a football field, we left at 4 to return to Joy and David’s by 6 for a great roast, creamy cheesy broccoli/cauliflower, and veggies to share with their son Keith, Keith’s French girl friend Allion, and their 4 month old girl named Emma. Allison has a massive draft horse that she offered up to the kids to go see tomorrow which we might consider doing as I’m a big fan off draft horses. Desert was a pound cake with strawberries and ice cream and was very good so much so that I ate Lawson’s when he decided again over the 4th time to opt for just ice cream. Kids in bed at 9:15 but then chatted until 10:30 and I had to find a watering can for Lawson which was sitting at the foot of the bed. Oh well. Last full day in the UK tomorrow and am glad we are done. Wish we did more touristy stuff for big kids instead of farms and zoos, but I guess that is what you do with a 7 and 4 year olds.

August 4, 2015 – Tuesday

Yup. Last full day before we go. On couch hanging out. Help get 12 volt USB charger out of Alan’s car. Help Alan find the bridge of the steam train that was made out of brick so that he could try to take the train as it really puffs up the hill. Have some cheese, butter, and ham for lunch. Perhaps we can call Allison to see her massive horse, a shire horse. Off to the park for one final zip line ride for the kids, Fiona and Joy bring Hansel along for a walk. Get a call that Allison is ready for us to come see her horse, Pattington – Patty for short. We all pile into Joy’s CRV and are off to see the horse after taking out a complicated car seat, Hasel is in the boot.

This horse is huge and has special rubber covers to stop him from knocking his feet together, he is five years old and still learning where to put his feet but is super gentle and not a finicky as a thoroughbred horse. We brush the horse paying special attention that he does not trod on our feet. Allison gets him ready for the kids to ride, and puts on the saddle, and steering wheel, okay the bridal and bit, but the kids will not be doing any steering. Niamh puts on a riding helmet from Joy, and manages to get on the horse and they walk around this sandy riding corral. The horse trips, but Niamh stays on. Whew. Ok Lawson’s turn, and only one time around for him but the horse does not trip 😉 ok both kids on the saddle for pictures. Such a big gentle horse, it is great then blonde little French girl let the kids see her horse and ride him. Back in the CRV With the dog and back to the house.

It is 15 till 6 so it was time to walk to The White Horse Inn, and have some Indian food. David is commuting and is unable to join us, but the dinner is excellent with a mix and match selection of some chicken things, kebab, naan, and rice. Old Speckeled Hen , make that two ales please. Back to the house around 8 and David is home. Kids have their milk and go to bed around 9 and I follow in about an hour or two after switching the wet laundry to the dryer.

August 5, 2015 – Wednesday 

Und kind of day. Ah travel day. I’ve graciously agreed to see if I can switch my upper ticket to Fiona’s name, but if they can’t will not be to heartbroken over it. Ha. We are scheduled to arrive around 7pm and leave around 3pm, so it will be a drive back to the airport , drop off the car, and run around kind of day. Nemo is on, and have put away all our wires.

We leave at 10am with joy with baby Emma I hand. Hasel will be very depressed. He money Need to find a gas station on the way back to airport. Found one outside of Winchester on the M3. 16 liters later we have gas just past the half way point and we are back on the road for our long drive. Rental drop off any one? Sign so? Oh, there they are back off T5 of course back the way we just came of course. Any problems? Fiona says no, and I keep my mouth shut as yes there is a problem – your dumb rental car place you charged me too much and your online reservation system blows chunks for international travel. The bus back to airport only holds 8 but they run every 5 minutes so it is not the end of the world.

Our plane is running an hour behind, bummer. Really an upper class person can bring Ina guest and under fives are free to the upper class lounge? Hum. A kid into this mystery lounge is only 15 pounds more? Hum. Is there beer? Yes? SOLD! We proceed to have a five course meal (by five course I mean I have a burger and Fiona a salad – she does steal my fries). The crowning jewel is that I have 4 beers and Fiona has 4 champagnes. Kids their usual beans, toast,  sprite, and apple juice. Yes this is worth the 15 pounds. Yum.

Our plane boards at 3:30 but we are still at the gate it is 5 bummer. I get on with my upper class ticket. The plan is to switch at half way point, but it appears we can no longer swith. With the plan spoiled, I trudge back to row 34 from what looks like a really nice seat in row 11 to score some brownie points with the wife. The plane is now rolling the safety video at 5:15 so it looks like we are going to take off.  Wonder what movies I will watch? Kids are happy with their kindles and I have the battery backup back ready to go when tithe games and movies offered on the plane subside and sleep has yet to take them away. Oh movies are on, yahoo.

Tomorrowland, Paul Blart (mall cop 2), Unfinished Business, The DUFF, and Exodus where the movies I watched or half watched in the case of Exodus. I’m now typing this on a computer and there is no lag like when I type on my ipad? Not sure why that is, but having no lag is pretty nice. Anywho, Tomorrowland was good, Paul Blart and Unfinished business where pretty funny, the DUFF was a cute movie, and Exodus was awful. I watched an hour of it and if it was free on TBS or something might try and finish it, but am not sure it is worth it.  I had trouble watching Paul Blart as the kids asked me a bunch of questions. They where happy since they both got a Thomas the Train Engine mini toy to play with on the plane – Lawson more than Niamh.

Lawson and Niamh finally went to sleep during Unfinished Business, and really didn’t each much food. They were both done with being on the plane during Paul Blart and wanted to get off – to bad it is another 6 hours sit tight and watch your movies or go to sleep. A 15 year old kid was next to lawson and gave him some skittles which was nice, I made Lawson share with Niamh which he really didn’t want to do.

The plane made up 20 minutes during the flight so we land at 7:45pm. There were 2 custom officials working, the finger print scanner was not working. Crap we are going to be here forever. Now is when the Pre-Check 100 dollar fast pass to get through customs would be awesome. People are grumpy. Lawson mostly, and me since I try to take his picture and he screams. He doesn’t want to move so I drag him into line screaming. Awesome. He finally calms down. The finger prints where only for Fiona. So she gets another person to help her – our custom receipts for the ‘Mericans printed without the need of finger prints with the use of our passports. The nice lady Fiona talks to says, ‘oh use your green card’, which is not what the directions say – they say to use your passport? WTF? Hey look it worked for Fiona with her green card imagine that… huff. We get into the short line. Meanwhile custom officials increase their capacity from 2 to 4 during the last 20 minutes of standing around. By the time we get through the short line they double it again to 8 custom officials. Really – you could not have been out here 40 minutes ago? Really – you know when the planes are going to land and we where 40 minutes late. We just arrived with 3 other planes at the same time.

The kicker is we get out bags and there is another stupid line to exit baggage claim with 1 guy. Really, 1 guy. Why, and what sort of questions is he asking? There is 1 line for this one guy. $!#@$?^. We made it out to the car by 9:15 and are home by 10. I shower and am in bed by 10:15.

August 6, 2015 – Thursday

Bacon and Pancakes. Yes, ‘Merican bacon. Loading up all pictures now.  Good trip.